Relapse

When I was finishing up my finals of the fall 2012 semester I was feeling back pains but thought nothing of them. As the back pains continued, I had a CAT scan as part of my surveillance to insure the cancer has gone away. I received a phone call from my doctor later that week. He said my cancer had returned.

After my chemotherapy in the summer and fall, I thought I had beat cancer. Emotionally, I had put cancer as a thing of the past and I was very ready to move on with my life. From school to finances to my Army career, I was ready to get back on track and start enjoying life with my new wife.

This cancer has brought all of that to a screeching halt. My family and I were very good at handling this cancer crisis the first time around. This second time is going to be much harder. Financially I have lost some funding from cutting classes and need to adjust for thousands of dollars in loans that won't be there or that I'll have to get from somewhere else. For my Army career, I am in far more trouble as my evaluation year gets closer and I am less and less ready.

Though my problems rise I do have substantial support from the school, the ROTC program and my family and friends. God bless them all.

I have stage IV testicular cancer. Five lymph nodes have tumors or show growth in size. There are several large and small tumors that have metastasized to both of my lungs. The back pain I felt was due to lymph nodes with tumors pushing on my spine. Though I beat cancer the first time, it is back and it has spread.

I should be angry. I should feel bad for myself. I should be afraid.

I refuse to be angry. I will not feel sorry for myself. I fear not for God is with me.

I have been through this once before and I will do it again. I will do it again and again and again until I win. I will not back down and I will not give up. God is with me and will be victorious.